Sunday, September 13, 2015

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

20 Shower Thoughts


1. The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.

2. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

3. Instead of all the prequel and sequel movies coming out, they should start making “equels” - films shot in the same time period as the original film, but from an entirely different perspective.

4. X88B88 looks like the word "voodoo" reflecting off of itself.

5. April Fools Day is the one day of the year that people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.

6. Websites should post their password requirements on their login pages so I can remember WTF I needed to do to my normal password to make it work on their site.

7. Now that cellphones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again.

8. I used hola unblocker to watch Argo on the Canadian Netflix. I was an American who had to pretend to be Canadian to watch a movie about Americans who have to pretend to be Canadians making a pretend movie.

9. Maybe 'Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?' isn't a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how much useless information we teach grade schoolers that won't be retained or applicable later in life.

10. Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his e-cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book. The future is stupid.

11. When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters, not used, is DEN-MARK.

12. "Go to bed, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"

13. In the future, imagine how many Go-Pros will be found in snow mountains containing the last moments of people's lives.

14. We should have a holiday called Space Day, where lights are to be shut off for at least an hour at night to reduce light pollution, so we can see the galaxy.

15. Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.

16. Senior citizen discounts should just round dollar amounts down so we don't have to wait in line behind them while they dig for change.

17. I have never once hit the space bar while watching a YouTube video with the intention of scrolling halfway down the page

18. Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating.

19. Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don’t know what either of those things are.

20. The person who would proof read Hitler's speeches was literally a grammar Nazi.

Technically Correct

Is the Glass Half-Full or Half-Empty? Depends on Whether You're Drinking or Pouring!

Thursday, August 20, 2015

A Present From Your Dog

Southern Justice

"I told my mama:

I must be allergic to your Xanax.

Every time I take it,

I break out in handcuffs! "

(Watch Southern Justice  on NatGeoTV.)

Friday, August 14, 2015

What's in a Name? A by Any Other Name Wouldst Smell as Sweet...

In Pharmacology (and Marketing!), all drugs have two names, a brand name and a generic name. For example, the brand name Tylenol has the generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also known as Naproxen. Advil is generically known as Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a new generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by the Pepsi Cola company as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one! Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink".

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day:

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

(Thanks Jackie!)

[COBWEB CLASSIC:] The Dashboard Indicator Said Her Engine Needed a Quart of Oil

(Originally published August 9, 2013)

Why is it so Hard to Get Some People to Share the Planet with the Rest of Us?

[Source: Rae Marie Photography]

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Dogs of the Marvel Universe

Images by Josh Lynch  Saint Paul, MN, USA

Sailing? I Dunno...Looks Like There May Be a Front Moving in...

They say, "it's not the heat, it's the humidity," but I'm pretty sure the lightning will kill you quicker.

This is not the usual background for a photo of the Santa Cruz, California harbor lighthouse...Remains of a tropical hurricane made it this far north from Central America, and damn, but it is as hot and muggy as the Midwest summers people move here to avoid.

Photo courtesy of KSBW TV/David Tolchinsky

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Are the Muppets Finally Ready for Primetime?

Coming this fall on ABC....
You were never supposed to see this. Here’s the pitch that convinced ABC to make a show with The Muppets!